Ramine Setoodeh offers this hilarious play by play account of the "awful" G.I. Joe flick that just came out this past weekend. I confess, I felt somewhat embarrassed that I even endured the online trailer, perhaps hoping it might be a neat war film or something. After it was over, I actually laughed out loud in disbelief. This is not the G.I. Joe I knew as a kid. And yet, it is the number one movie in the nation!
This could segue into a robust discussion on the near total collapse of quality film making in today's Hollywood, and the relationship between totally banal, inane, insulting films like this one and their remarkable ability to rake in mountains of cash and draw masses of people. What does this say about what people really want? Supply and demand? A.J. Nock's (rather Hamiltonian) observation on "the Masses" and "the Remnant" ring truer to me with each passing day.
Some of my favorite observations on G.I. Joe:
12:22 a.m.: In the not-too-distance future. NATO Weapons Command. Some dude with a red tie is giving a presentation about army tanks and cancer cells. I'm already confused.
12:28 a.m.: I'm feeling sick from all the turbulence.
At headquarters: Lots of things happen. I don't pay attention to any of it. This movie is worse than the Fantastic Four.
12:38 a.m.: Two people seated behind me leave.
12:41 a.m.: We are introduced to some doctor wearing a mask who looks like Skeletor, the bad guy in He-Man. Remember the '80s? If not, don't go see this movie. If you do, still don't go see this movie.
12:57 a.m.: Channing corners Sienna with a big gun. "Do it," she purrs. "You already killed me once." But he's distracted and now a white ninja is fighting a black ninja and it makes me miss the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
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