On Cohabitation

I was pleasantly surprised by this article, appearing in match.com, that presents a strong case for living separately before marriage (a given for couples for generations, but growing more rare by the year in our birth control-saturated culture). I thought these observation made by 25-year-old Kendall J. were excellent.

"The investment in a healthy relationship is more valuable to us than saving a few bucks. Statistics clearly show that couples who live together have a higher rate of divorce than those who don’t. Living together now would definitely benefit us in the short term. But if my marriage was to fall apart — whether I’m debt free or not — I will have lost something far more important than money." ...

But what about the wisdom that living together is a “breaking in” period that prepares you for marriage? “Many people say you need to ‘test the waters’ before getting married,” says Kendall, “but most people are really testing whether their partner fits into their lifestyle. Of course the other person doesn’t fit neatly into their life — marriage isn’t about that. Marriage is two imperfect people learning to live together. You have to decide from the moment you move in that leaving is not an option. That’s hard to do when it’s not accompanied by a marriage commitment.”