On Cohabitation

Here's an excerpt from an article by Rob McNiff, writing for Relevant Magazine, on the many problems associated with cohabitation.

For those who marry first, the decision to give lifelong care and love to one's partner comes before the pleasures of married life, including sexual intimacy. The couple promises, in effect, not to seek the gratification of their strongest desires from one another until they commit to a life of mutual service and faithfulness.

Postponing intimate life becomes a way for the couple to express their devotion to one another. From the outset, commitment to the well-being of one's partner is given priority over personal satisfaction. The couple who marries first understands that devotion does not stem from the joys of intimate living, but serves as the foundation for those joys.

The couple who lives together before marriage proceeds from opposite direction. For them, the pleasures of intimate life are not a reward for devotion but serve, supposedly, as the basis for commitment. They measure their “compatibility” and, if satisfied, base their commitment to one another on the pleasure they extract from the cohabitation arrangement. Their courtship focuses not on learning commitment, but rather on critiquing and evaluating their union and their partners, measuring the costs and benefits of the relationship.